Friday, December 3, 2010


So I put my hands up, they're playin' my song
the butterflies fly away
I'm noddin' my head like 'yeah'
Movin' my lips like 'yeah'

Got my hands up, they're playin' my song
And now I'm gonna be okay
Yeah! It's a party in the USA
Yeah! It's a party in the USA.

Miley Cyrus. Party in the USA.

As this year comes to close I reflect on the many and major changes that occurred. So many things at first seemed bad or unfortunate, yet turned out to be blessings or great and meaningful lessons that will last the rest of my life. This doesn't mean that certain moments didn't feel at times nearly excruciatingly painful. They did, however perspective, gratitude and attitude helped me see the proverbial forest for the trees. Here's a quick run down of the events of 2010.

Went back to college in March.
Was diagnosed with LS in April.
Stayed at the hospital for a week in May.
Had surgery in June.
Both dogs died during the summer.
Dealt with a crazy teacher in August.
Moved in September.
Went to the ER twice in early October.
Quit job after 10 years in late October.
Moved again at the end of November.

Much of the year, especially in the spring I had intestinal pain, LS pain and endometrial pain. The summer my heart was crushed by the passing of our dogs Sydney and Lucy, exactly two weeks apart. Then I had to drop a class and deal with a giant paper trail from dealing with a proselytizing teacher at college. At the end of summer we had people in and out of our apartment because our landlord sold our duplex, then the new place we moved into was under siege with repairs due to mold and rot behind the bathroom walls. After a decade I had enough of retail and quit my job as winter slowly descended onto Portland and then we packed and moved again to a more appropriate living space. Next week I have finals and 3 & 1/2 lovely weeks off. This will be the longest time off I've had since I was 16.

Many doors closed this year. Places I used to go everyday, I no longer see. Friendships ended. Loved ones passed on. Lifestyle changes. And at the same time there was so much beauty in the closure of moving on. New places, people, puppy and embracing of who I am and am meant to be. Perhaps in a way this year I went crazy. Yet today I feel more free and serene than ever. Finally at long last I'm standing at the edge of that cliff, looking down, knowing if I jump into the unknown, everything will be just fine.

2011 will be calmer I think and yet I feel it was because of this weird ass year I'll be able to fulfill more things that I'm destined for. The pain & struggles of 2010 have brought me to a deep place of acceptance and it was worth it. That being said I'd not like to repeat another year of wild-ass changes.

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